Esto, que llevo dentro
Short | Nonfiction | 6’ | 2023 | U.S.A., Colombia
16mm, VHS

In a letter to an artist lost to suicide at age twenty-eight, a filmmaker revisits his own battle with a rare anxiety disorder, forging an intimate relationship with his mother.

Through a personal letter written to artist Daniel Segura Bonnett, the son of Colombian author Piedad Bonnett, Esto, que llevo dentro carries a disruptive essaystic structure, led by the sound of the filmmaker’s voice and the improvisational nature of Latin Jazz drumming. Through visual metaphors found in street fixtures and desolate, natural landscapes around San Francisco, the filmmaker aims to represent feelings of anguish, disillusionment and terror upon a never-ending cycle of intrusive thoughts. The film uses a collection of personal VHS archives and intermittent shots of the filmmaker’s body, to move across time and space, aiming to question ideas of remembrance, resilience and self-acceptance.

Thin Line Exhibit, Denton, TX, 2023
Philadelphia Latino Film Festival, 2023
Bogotá Experimental Film Festival, 2023
Vancouver Latino Film Festival, 2023
Seattle Latino Film Festival, 2023
Festival de Cine de Bogotá, 2023
Cinestesia Awards, Colombia, 2023 (Best Documentary Short Award - Nominee)

Directed, Photographed & Edited by
Enrique Pedráza-Botero

Luz Maria Botero

Additional Camera
Sruti Visweswaran

Production Assistant
Lauren Howell

Technical Support
Mark Urbanek
Paul Meyers 

Faculty Advisor
Srdan Keca
Jan Krawitz

Special Thanks
Piedad Bonnett

Original Music
Enrique Pedráza-Botero

Made with the support of:
Pacific Pioneer Fund

Produced in the Documentary Film M.F.A. Program
Department of Art & Art History
Stanford University